We’re gonna miss you like crazy

25 Aug

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
goes away
In the end

-Johnny Cash “Hurt”

Today I’m going to deviate from the normal posts about food, chickens, crafts, etc. and talk to you about my heart.  A week ago today I lost a friend. Today friends, his family, and our community laid him to rest.  I’m normally a strong person but when it comes to funerals I just can’t do it. Several years ago, the last funeral I attended was for a young lady who was one of my students. Every day I think of the sound of her mother’s cries echoing through the large, cold emptiness of the huge beautiful church at Mescalero. I think of her seeing her unnatural appearance lying there before us. I think of the many regrets I have for not knowing the pain she hid so well.

The situation this week is different from that of the young lady but sudden and unexpected as well. Someone once said “the good die young” and you could certainly say that about my friend Grant. A man with a huge heart, a genuine smile, and the most awesome sense of humor. I’ll never forget how hard he worked to save the people and the homes in Bonito canyon last year after the fire when the flood waters started, how much he cared about making sure that every person was safe and he had done everything possible. My whole life I knew that if I was ever in a bind that Grant was the kind of person that would come and help me out.

I’m sorry Grant that I wasn’t strong enough to send you off today. I still haven’t really come to terms with the fact that your gone. The rain today made my heart feel a little better because sending us a slow healing rain would have been just what you would have ordered. I’ll still be looking for your rainbow and you’ll always be missed. Rest in peace my friend.

grant

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