You ever have one of those days where you feel like your just a gerbil running in a wheel as fast as you can and you don’t get anywhere? I have those days, often. Call it a midlife crisis if you will (but I sure hope that 64 isn’t the end, my bucket list is waaay longer than that) but I feel a change is inevitable. I’m not saying I hate my life, to the contrary there are many things about my life I love. The problem is I spend more time doing the things I don’t love and not enough doing the things I do love.

Family: is on the awesome side of the equation. My husband, bless his heart, puts up with all my crazy ideas from cooking to farming and sometimes he even enjoys it. My kids are the funniest people I know and always bring humor to the situation and temper it with plenty of frustration, this parenting shit is hard! We live just over the mountain from my mom and step-dad who step in and help so that I get all my crazy things accomplished and also add an interesting element to my children. I grew up right next to my grandparents so I love that my kids are getting the same experience.

Work: here is where the ball begins to drop. Ever feel like you’ve been looking for something that is just out of reach? I didn’t intend to be a teacher, it was something I just planned to do for a couple of years and then I’d go back to school to be a doctor or lawyer or something important like that. Then I fell into the black hole, well the kids sucked me in, it was the whole social justice element. I really thought I could do better and make a difference. Then 10 years later, $140,000 in student loans in it occurs to me that the system really is so broken that me getting another degree or trying to fix another school isn’t going to do anything but break me more.

Me: am I broken? I’m not sure. I certainly have some issues. Let’s start with addictions- there is diet soda, sugar, beer, and higher education. Compulsions- nail tearing, cleaning or not, news reading, and chickens. Sensory issues- the texture of fruits and vegetables and human contact. I don’t keep a job for an extended period of time because I feel compelled to find something new and more challenging when I feel that I’ve mastered something.

I know, you’re thinking “What the fuck? I thought this girl was supposed to be funny?” I promise the humor will come but I felt like I needed a starting point so here we are. Let’s begin…..


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